I’m Mindy Peterson, host of Enhance Life with Music podcast, where we explore all the ways music can make our lives better. And this is Microhance, a micro-dose of musical enhancement.
What do two of my favorite things to do with friends have in common scientifically? I love walking with friends. I’ve always loved walking for exercise and just find it therapeutic. And my favorite walks are with friends. Secondly, if friends are on my turf, whether it’s at my house or in my car – I have music playing. No surprise there. Music sets the tone, sets the mood – whether it’s an upbeat but still chill Summer Playlist, or my Comfort Food for Ears playlist, which is my go-to this time of year.
I never really thought about it until recently, but both walking and music can supercharge something called interpersonal synchrony – the tendency for human beings to resonate with one another.
We have talked about the phenomenon of entrainment MANY times on this show. I just did a quick search on my website for the word entrainment, and it turned up FOUR PAGES of results! There are many variations of the term – musical entrainment, rhythmic entrainment, auditory-motor entrainment – and while the meanings differ slightly depending on the context and field of study, basically, it’s a process where independent systems or rhythms synchronize with each and align through their interaction.
Most of our entrainment discussions on this show have focused on musical entrainment’s ability to dramatically help people with Parkinson’s disease and other mobility challenges, stabilize heart rate and breathing, or influence brain rhythms related to sleep and focus. We’ve also casually mentioned the bonding effect of music – like being at a concert and feeling at one with thousands of strangers as you clap, sing, or sway to the beat together.
But music doesn’t just synchronize our bodies and brains; it can synchronize us with each other. What actually happens when we synchronize with other people? And how can music amplify that connection? I recently read a book on interpersonal synchrony that was NOT a music book, yet it was clear from reading the book how strongly music can supercharge synchronicity. The book is called, Why We Click: The Emerging Science of Interpersonal Synchrony, by Kate Murphy (released earlier this year). The book was fascinating and it made me realize that music may be one of our most powerful – and underappreciated – tools for connecting with other people.
Here’s why – and some practical tips to tap this power.
Tip #1: Get in sync with someone – literally!
Researchers have found that when people engage in synchronized activities – marching, drumming, dancing, yes – WALKING, or even finger tapping – they tend to develop greater rapport and trust. They’re also more likely to cooperate, share personal information, and be kind and helpful toward one another.
Think about how long humans have used rhythm to bring people together. Soldiers marching to a drumbeat. Sailors singing sea shanties to synchronize heavy physical labor like rowing and hoisting sails. Religious congregations singing, kneeling, and reciting prayers in unison. Protesters chanting together. People dancing around a fire or on a crowded dance floor. Long before scientists understood the mechanisms behind interpersonal synchrony, we were using it as a kind of social glue.
And music can make that glue even stickier. Murphy points out that Tony Robbins’ motivational events involve tens of thousands of people jumping and clapping to music with a rhythm of 120-140 beats per minute – the rate of your heartbeat when you’re exhilarated. She calls Robbins and synchrony savant, getting his followers literally on the same wavelength.
The book also points to the example of the Jerusalem Youth Chorus, whose founder Micah Hendler has been a guest on this show. The organization brings together Israeli and Palestinian young people to sing, make music, and bridge deep cultural and political divides. Singing together doesn’t magically erase differences, but it creates opportunities for people to listen, cooperate, and experience something in common. And it’s a powerful demonstration that interpersonal synchrony isn’t just about having fun or getting along with people who are already like-minded. It can create opportunities for connection across significant differences.
Tip #2: Don’t underestimate the power of doing something together.
Another interesting finding from the book is that simply being in the same room with someone can produce some degree of physiological synchrony. But that effect becomes much stronger when you’re actually doing something together. Even a meaningful conversation (as opposed to superficial small talk) can cause people to unconsciously match one another’s facial expressions, gestures, breathing, and body movements. Their heart rates and brain activity can even begin to align.
This brings me back to walking with a friend. When two people walk together, they naturally begin to fall into step with one another. Add a good conversation, and you have even more supermaxxed synchronization.
Now, add music and a shared rhythm! You could sing in a choir, take a dancing class, join a group drumming session, or simply put on some upbeat music and tackle a household project together. Looking back, my kids and I used to do housecleaning together every Sunday for YEARS. The kids got to pick the music that was playing. I don’t know if they would agree that it was a bonding experience(!), but I’d like to think it was! One thing I DO know is that they were both great roommates to have in college and know how to keep their space clean!
Tip #3: Be aware and intentional about the rhythms you surround yourself with.
Murphy warns that synchrony isn’t always a good thing, and she describes what’s sometimes called the bad apple effect. Because we’re naturally inclined to synchronize with people around us, we can also absorb their negative moods, attitudes, and behaviors. Psychologists sometimes refer to an unhealthy version of this as emotional fusion or enmeshment – when we become so intertwined with someone else’s emotions that we lose our own sense of perspective. This can be particularly challenging in workplaces or other situations where we don’t get to choose the people we’re around. It can be a job hazard and cause of burnout for physicians and therapists who are constantly surrounded by patients experiencing various forms of distress and pain. Yes, emotions are contagious, and Murphy says, “the instinct to sync is so powerful, it almost takes a saint or sociopath to resist it.”
She also explains how companies are increasingly hiring leading researchers in this emerging field – not to make societies better but to boost profits by exploiting our tendency to sync.
So if you notice that you consistently feel worse after engaging with a particular product, app, or person, an awareness of interpersonal syncing can help you avoid “getting sucked into someone else’s emotional vortex.” And while listening to sad music can (counterintuitively) actually make us feel better(!), excessive use can also lead to negative rumination and a downward mood spiral. (I’ll link to episodes covering both of these outcomes.)
Here’s your Microhance for today, as we head into the holiday season:
As you encounter people over the coming days and weeks, pay a little more attention to the subtle ways we synchronize with one another. Maybe it’s a meaningful conversation with a family member, walking with a friend, singing along with others at a Christmas gathering, or simply sharing a laugh with the cashier while you’re shopping.
And look for opportunities to create a little synchrony intentionally. Put on some music while you’re cooking with someone, invite a friend to a dance class, or turn an ordinary household chore into something you do together. Sometimes, simply sharing a rhythm, a conversation, or an experience is enough to strengthen a connection.
We often think of music as something that enhances our individual lives – improving our health, lifting our mood, helping us focus, or bringing us joy. But music also has this remarkable ability to bring us into sync with one another. I think that’s one of its most beneficial superpowers: helping us feel less like individuals moving through the world on our own, and a little more like we’re part of something together. As Murphy says, “We are all tuning forks roaming the planet, picking up vibes and finding resonance with those we encounter.”
If you’re interested in learning more, I’ll put a link in the show notes to Why We Click, by Kate Murphy, as well as episodes where we’ve discussed entrainment the most.
I’m Mindy Peterson, and I hope this inspires you to enhance your life with music.